Do you still have your period?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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