you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
