pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
