hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
