I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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