No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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