I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
