I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
