she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
