If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
