Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
