his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
