dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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