He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
