Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
