Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
