I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
