god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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