you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
me + whiskey = a bad person
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
