I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
