found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
