I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
