I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
