you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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