You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
