Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
