Cold hands, warm shart.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
