hotel room ftw
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
