This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
