Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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