God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
