He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
it was like his penis was on wheels.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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