Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
