Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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