Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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