i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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