I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
