I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
