just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
