I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
