i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
