for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
