just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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