so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's just like the Real World with babies
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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