WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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