just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
