you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
