Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
