we have pet lesbian snakes
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
