Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
