Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
